but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
