those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
