The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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