careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
