turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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