I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts