Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
