Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
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The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
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Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.