Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
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Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....