I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.