I puked a lego.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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