It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
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