Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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