Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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