mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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