do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
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Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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