actually, I'm a sock model
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
