all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
We had sex on a dog bed..
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
