you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
