Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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