I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
