so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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