she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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