Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
