Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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