I murdered the dance floor call the cops
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
