Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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