Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
