u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
