I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
