Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
