Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
