I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
