Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
