I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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