I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
