Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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