There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
