so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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