Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
