I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
