I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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