I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
