This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I will be naked everywhere
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Randomize