Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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