My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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