we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
