omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
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I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
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My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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