We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
