I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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