Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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