Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
