My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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