One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
