I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
