fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
