If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
