Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
