Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Someone came in the potted fern
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Randomize
