just tell him i said nine months
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
