Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
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