I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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