TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
