two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
