Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
