Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
