i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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