did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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