watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize