I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
