i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
