I faked an abortion last night.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
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he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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