When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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