Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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