I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
